BURNED

I feel emotionless
Emotional.
Nnothing and everything.
I'm angry and happy
Sad and rejoicing
Hurt beyond belief
Excited beyond all hopes.
Fearful
Fearless
Betrayed
Betrayer
Out in the open
Naked for all to see, except for those who won't look my way...
Which seems to be everyone these days.
Red-rimmed eyes
They sting from being so dry
After they were filled for so long.
Forgiveness
Forget?
I don't know...
The words are BURNED in my mind.

Siblings

Growing up, I often felt like an only child. So when schools would have surveys, I would put that I was one.
I lived with my dad and grandma most of my life. I almost never got to see my two older brothers, Josh and Chris. I remember when I was very little, in kindergarden, and how me and the boys would walk to school. Chris usually held my hand and Josh always seemed to have the biggest temper. I even remember some of the dresses and other clothing my mom would dress me in. And one memory I'm very fond of was when Josh brought home a tree sappling and we layed in the grass after burying it in the front yard, and we tried to watch it grow for hours. The only time I ever really felt like I had siblings was when I was that young girl...

Now, even though family ties are staring me right in the face... I still feel very awkward around my brothers, dad and my mom. I feel like I still don't know them like I should... I mean, I didn't see my brothers and mom for long periods of time. And yet, even though I still fee wierd, I also still feel that sense of belonging to these people. I feel a sense of ownership, to have them be a part of me. Every once in a while, I'll talk about my brothers to a friend and they'll say, "I didn't know you had brothers." And usually I have to take a mental step back and think, 'Wow, I DO have brothers, don't I?'

My eldest brother, Chris, told me the other day that when we were super young he'd play dress up with me since I didn't have a sister to play with. It hit me hard that this awesome brother of mine must remember so much more than I do, and he must have a stronger sense of family ties with me. I am his ginger kid sister after all =]

I hope to learn more about my brothers, mother and even my father in the future. And I hope we can become closer. My biggest regret in life is not reaching out more to my own brothers and becoming a good sister to them. I want that closeness and I want that sense of family. Cus really, we're all we've got.

I also regret not being able to ask my mom and dad the important questions for fear of upsetting them. Especially my dad.

I still feel like so many things are being kept from me.

Pocketfull of Sunshine

So I saw the movie, Easy A, in theaters twice now and I'm so in love with it! It definitely makes my top ten favorite movies =]

In other awesome news, Fisher and I got a car =]
It's a gold PT Cruiser and it's hella purdy!

Just hought I'd share =]

<3Megan

Ch-ch-ch-CHANGES!

So life in the new apartment is glorious. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what I'd expect. But certainly not for it to go so smoothly. Fisher and I have been existing harmoniously in our new place for about a month now. Simple things like cooking, shopping or laughing over somthing silly together always make me smile =]

So as the season changes from summer to fall, I look forward to the many wonderful happenings in our household =D

First, is the celebration of Fishers 21st birthday. I cannot convey to you how absolutely excited he is. I was, too, so I'm pretty excited FOR him ahahaha. I'm stoked to give him his presents =]

Another happening is our 2nd annual Halloween party. This year I'm dressing up as a Ginny Weasley from the Harry Potter series. Fisher, I believe, is going as Dr. Mario. A lot of people aren't aware of where exactly Dr. Mario originates in the array of Mario games. Everyone asks Fisher this question when he says what he wats to be for Halloween. He tells them, "Mario Tetris" and then laughs because a lot of people are like, "There's a Mario Tetris game???" lol. Most only know Dr. Mario from Super Smash Bros.

Anywho... I didn't buy an actual costume like I usually do. I pieced min together. I bought an old black gradation gown and am sewing on  Gryffindor patch to make it into my robes. And I bought a skirt on eBay. I already have some Mary Jane-looking shoes so all I need now is a nice white button down shirt, a sweater vest and some knee-high stockings. And maybe a wand. But I hink I'm just gonna hunt for one outside under the trees lol. Like I said in my youtube video titled: Spice Girls & Harry Potter, Ollivander would be ashamed lol.

Another change is the weather. Although I look outside and it's still nice out today, there have been some dismal days and, like evvery year, the weather change starts making me very tired and I get a lot of headaches. Usually I get sick right away... but maybe because I was sick all summer, my body decided to give me a break!

Today is day 9 of 9 in  row at work, due to the grand re-opening, so I guess I should go get ready. But if you wanna save some moolah on groceries, comeon down to the Milwaukie WinCo! lol...

Have an awesome day!