6 Years

6 Years

You know those long relationships you hear about? The ones where the boy and girl are high school sweethearts and stay together even beyond their expectations? You've seen them, I'm sure. Those couples who are destined to live “happily ever after” and stay together forever.

Well this is the story of how I lost it all. It's a sad story, to be sure. But it is so filled with love and happiness that I can't help but share it. Cause when you lose it all... well... someone's gotta be around to hear the story of the best time of your life, even if it ended with the slam of a door.

8th grade year I made fun of you and teased you. Social acceptance. I was a loser. People made fun of me... so I made fun of you.

9th grade year I floated about not really feeling like I should. You were a year behind me and I found that even though I didn't know you that well, I missed seeing you on the bus to school.

10th grade year, you finally arrived to high school and I was so super pumped to see you. We instantly fell for each other. We went out, I got spooked by my feelings, then I broke up with you.

11th grade year we went out again and I thought you were still too immature, so I broke up with you again. But we got back together at the end of the year. I was finally prepared to be with you and you felt the same about me.

Now I know what you're thinking, dear readers. DRAMA! I know! OK!? But it doesn't even end there.

We had a wonderful summer. I joined your church and everything fit together wonderfully. But this is where it all gets fuzzy. We kept getting together and breaking up. Whenever you broke it off, it was always for a girl. ALWAYS. Once you even broke up with me over myspace and I didn't get the message. I went to youth group and saw you had already started going out with another girl there!

Senior year. Everything was supposed to be perfect. I was graduating. Prom was near. I was nominated for prom queen. I thought we were getting back together. You had already asked me to the prom. But once again... plans were foiled and you started going out with this other girl... You guys went to prom and my entire senior year was ruined. I can't even imagine now why I would let you do all of this to me and somehow I'd still wanna be with you.

I graduated. I got a job. I tried moving on. But there you were. Wanting me back. Swearing you'd break up with this girl you were with. And like a fool, I fell for it. We were together for... such a long time this time. I thought we were actually gonna make it.

We got engaged. We swore we'd love each other forever. Wrong. We broke it off.

You know how you hear about those couples being so lucky they found each other? We were that couple for over a year. Every one was envious/jealous/happy for us and kept telling us how awesome we were to be able to finally be together. You always imagine that you might be in that situation. I bathed in that energy. I was so in love and happy with him. He broke up with me a few days before Christmas 2009. We got back together the day before New Years. He said the pressure of being engaged was too much.

More time passes and we're happy, but we have to overcome problems and solve things as a couple. And then the unthinkable happens. He wants to move in with me. Something I've wanted forever. But never thought it'd happen. It was all a lie. We got a place. But now my cat and myself are the only inhabitants.

Just like every other break up... he decided he didn't wanna be with me because the “grass is greener on the other side” with some other girl. A girl he had the nerve to bring into my house last night. What they were doing under that blanket, I have no idea. But the respect I have for him is gone. And I will never allow him into my life again. I'm so glad I had the courage to end it myself this time.

I'm not sure when “me” became “us” and I disappeared but I miss that bubbly girl with a million friends. I gave up so much to be with him. And he gave up nothing. I am a shadow of myself that he made better during some of the time but... now I'm not good with him at all.

Like I said, this is a story that doesn't have a happy ending. I loved him more than anything and for a while there... we were the happiest people alive...

6 years later and I still wish you would have made different choices. I wish you had chosen me instead of a bottle, a blonde and a party life.