Valentines Day

Alright so the snow is all gone. Sad day. But I just found the trailer for this movie that's supposed to be coming out in February called, "Valentines Day." Big surprise lol. But, I was amazed after I watched the trailer and it looked good lol. It kinda reminds me of "He's Just Not That Into You" with the way the movie is set up with tons of good actors including, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Jessica Alba, Jamie Foxx, Julia Roberts, etc. So give it a watch!

Let It Snow

Here are a couple vids I shot today about the snow.

By The Way...

It just started snowing =]

Favorite Movies Of 2009

So this year there were lots of movies I went to see. But here are the top 5 of this year, hands down.

1.) New Moon

So much better than Twilight. The acting was great. The chemistry between the actors was awesome. And it helps that it was one of my favs in the actual book series =]

2.) Avatar

This is the most recent movie I've seen. I saw it in 3D and it was sooo amazing! Not only were the special affects and graphics so mind blowing, but the underlying message was fantastic.

3.) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

The Harry Potter series is my all time favorite book or movie series. Even though they left out a lot of stuff from the book and added too many unnecassary things I still loved it.

4.) Star Trek

All I can say about this movie is... holy crap. It was so freaking good lol.

5.) The Time Travelers Wife

This movie made me bawl my eyes out. It was seriously so good. I didn't read the book, which I've been told is much better, but I believe the movie gave it a run for its money.

So these were my top 5 movies of 2009. I haven't seen, "The Lovely Bones" or "Sherlock Holmes" yet, but they look fantastic and I cannot wait to see them.

Back Together

Love really has no rules. None. And That's why I LOVE love. Every moment something new is added and I'm left, once again, in awe of it's beauty.
Josh and I decided to get back together today. I won't go into the details of our conversation, but I will say this: We are deciding not to be engaged for now. We feel it's putting too much pressure on the relatioship and we just want to be happy together.
We love eachother like one cannot imagine. This time, we'll stay together.

"Till forever stops and eternity ends." -Megan Brandt

Karate Kid

So there's a new version of Karate Kid coming out where Jackie Chan plays the master and Will Smith's son plays the Kid. I just watched the trailer and even though I was a bit nervous about them ruinung a classic, I don't think it'll be half bad =D

But make the decision for yourself!

One Week

It has been almost one full week since Josh and I broke up.

Funny how slowly time passes when you're not really happy.

Don't get me wrong, I don't need a man in my life to make me happy or complete. I only need God for that. But somehow as I'm thinking of ways to describe how Josh and I are in a relationship, I can only think of the word, "soulmate." He and I... we are like soulmates. As soon as we met I felt drawn to him. All those years ago, teasing him and then starting to date in high school. We've somehow always been together, even when we were apart.

We've been messagin eachother every day since we broke up. A couple times it turned into a fight. But most of the time it was civil and sometimes happy. Then today something happened which I cannot divulge. All you need to know is that I still love him.

To be seperated from him is like losing one half of me. It seems we're both happier together. And it's obvious we miss eachother. A touch... a kiss... a secret look across a room. All of these things are so small and minimal to most, but are a huge part of our relationship as a whole. I miss getting the 'good morning' and 'good night' texts and the texts telling me how much I was loved. I miss giving those texts, too.

I wish he would read this blog and know how much I love him and how badly I want us to be together. I also want him to know how happy he makes me and I want so badly to make things right so I can make him happy, too.

"Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one." John Keats

December 25th

So I'm alone on Christmas. A week ago today I thought I'd be spending this day with the love of my life. But instead, I spent it with people who could care less if I existed. And my "amazing" plans for tomorrow fell through. So... I'm left wondering... Where are all these people who said they'd be here for me no matter what? Where's all the words of kindness and love and support I was promised?
God is the only one who has kept these promises... but he's not even visible or flesh. He cannot hold my hair back while I throw up from crying or take my hand to tell me I deserve better. He can only be with me in spirit and that frustrates me beyond anything else. My faith is not wavering... not one bit. But my trust in his comfort drives me up a wall when all these so-called friends of mine are all off with their loved ones while I sit here alone, bawling my eyes out, because the love of my life decided to dump me rather than talk out what's been bothering him.

Finally Discussing This

I'm realizing how fucking tied up my life is with you and your pics and memories and I just want to destroy it ALL! But something tugs at my heart and I decide to leave the pics and memories alone... Because what we had was real... and I never want to forget the love of my life.

The really sad part is that I feel your lips on mine... I feel your touch. Your voice and all the empty words echo around in my head and I can't stop the memories. It's been one day and although I feel somewhat okay... I know I'm not.

It kills me to need you every day... but what's worse is that you don't need me at all. And you never have. I feel suffocated, like you were my oxygen.

You can't even tell me the truth. None of your excuses add up.

Alice In Wonderland

This movie looks soooo good. I'm definitely going to see it. Here is the trailer:



Also check out my new youtube vid =]

5 Golden Rings lol

5 days till Christmas. All I want is your heart.

I'm really not doing anything for Christmas this year, like usual. I'm making dinner for my fiance Christmas Eve but other than that... I have no other plans. I'm not quite sure what happened. Last week it was all planned that my fiance and I would have people over and make dinner. Then he found out he has to work on both days until inconvenient times for a dinner. It's not his fault and I don't blame him.

Most people look forward to presents for Christmas. I used to be one of those people. But I find myself not really caring so much about all of that. This is the season to celebrate the birth of a man that saved the world from Sin, Jesus Christ. So you can see why I could care less for gifts. All I wanted was to spend a couple days with friends, my family, and my fiance. And it seems I kind of can't.

Now, for anyone I know and love who reads this, don't throw a pity party for me, because I'm certainly not meaning for it to turn out that way... I just had hoped for one thing and it seems like I won't get it.

So Jesus... it looks like you'll be my date on Christmas Day. That is, perhaps, how it should be.

Yesterday

As I wrote, I had dinner with family. Both sides of my family have never exactly been pleasent to me. So I was dreading going yesterday.
When I got there, I met my mom outside and headed inside the restaraunt. The people who came were me, my mom, my great grandma, my aunt debby and my distant cousins whom I've never met before, Clinton and his wife, Joanne and her mother. The only person I was nervous about seeing was Debby. She's never been the best person. I was also nervous about meeting new people.
But, surprisingly, I enjoyed myself. Clinton and Joanne were such nice people. I regretted not being able to meet them sooner. Dinner was nice and we talked and laughed and I felt something I never really have with my family... belonging.
Afterwards, Clinton gave me a ride home. We talked and talked for almost an hour in my driveway about his life and my life and our thoughts and opinions on so many different subjects. It's hard to believe he's my cousin lol. He and I are very similar. We can read people and completely agree on so many things. The number one thing we agreed upon was, "It's not what you say to somone, it's how you say it." Like with tone.
We exchanged cell numbers, emails and different websites we go on and he left. And I felt really happy because... I knew that no matter how my other family members treated me, at least I have two people related to me who care about me and offered me help anytime I needed it.

I was very surprised by yesterday. Lol.

In Relationships...

You sometimes start getting the feeling of not being good enough once something new arises. I wish I knew how to prevent things from happening but I can't.

If you love something let it go, if it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.

I've always prided myself on this. But look what love has done to me! I'm so blinded by love that I almost gave up everything I believed. In a relationship you have to compromise for one another. But does that mean I should compromise my sense of caring for someone less perfect or my right to have fun in an imperfect way once in a while?
I used to have a circle of friends I'd hang out with. We'd stay the night at eachothers houses or go to the movies or whatever. Now I only have a handful of friends I hang out with and it's usually only at church. I somehow yearn for that "Sex in the City" friendship that the main characters have on that show. I hope I can achieve it one day.
I can't wait to have my own place and have my own car. I want to take charge of my life and start living.

89

It's almost 3pm and my bus comes in about 15 minutes.
Today we're having a dinner for my Great Grandmother who will be 89 years old on the 21st. Along with this dinner comes the annoying family that never cared about me or remembers I exist. Well, most of them anyways. I hope today goes well.
MUST THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS =)

Cheers<3

Bouncing Thoughts

It's 4am.
And I feel like maybe I can never make things right.

Unfathomable Wonderland

An unfathomable wonderland...

People are always telling me life is unfair and I should always expect it to be that way. But I don't want my life to be lived with the shadow of unease over me. I know life isn't fair... I know it better than most. Almost everything I've ever truly loved has been taken away from me. And yet... I still wake up every morning. I still breathe fresh air. I can still run, skip, hop, dance and sing at the top of my lungs. I still have friends, family and a fiance that loves me endlessly. Fairness aside, I'm truly blessed in this life. Whatever path I take, I know I won't be alone.

Roads are for journeys, not destinations. The journey I'm on will be a great one and I want to enjoy every step I take. An unfathomable wonderland awaits me... and it awaits you as well.